This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
