we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
