It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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