She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
