Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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