The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
