just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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