You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize