shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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