I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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