My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
