the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
