don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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