i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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