are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
