You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
