she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
