going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
