why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
