I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
