I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
