ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You can't motorboat a personality
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
