I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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