dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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