Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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