apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
