my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
