i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
of course. lets lasso hookers.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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