just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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