we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
