Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
