I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize