Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
