U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sober January is a disaster.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
