also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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