dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
