You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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