Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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