Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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