man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
