You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
