i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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