And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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