I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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