My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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