he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
