I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
