Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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