God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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