So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
