Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
