sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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