it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
