Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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