There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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