You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
