i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
MIDGETS
????
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
