Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
