You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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