you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
