im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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