I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize