sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
