Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.

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  (248): I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again. http://tfl.nu/4zrz
  Replies (2) Good night (5184) Bad night (1360)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.

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  (541): My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick. http://tfl.nu/phsi
  Replies (30) Good night (818) Bad night (6341)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"

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  (314): just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?" http://tfl.nu/ava3
  Replies (52) Good night (4909) Bad night (652)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  im trying to make cookies in the george foreman

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  (757): im trying to make cookies in the george foreman http://tfl.nu/otmc
  Replies (18) Good night (4797) Bad night (984)
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  (951): View more from California

  I didn't know people actually cried after sex.

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  (951): I didn't know people actually cried after sex. http://tfl.nu/mss1
  Replies (25) Good night (1047) Bad night (7409)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

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  (920): We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us http://tfl.nu/fe65
  Replies (16) Good night (3785) Bad night (896)
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  (323): View more from California

  Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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  (323): Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy. http://tfl.nu/58l0
  Replies (6) Good night (3534) Bad night (785)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week

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  (+44): He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week http://tfl.nu/00sr
  Replies (13) Good night (1293) Bad night (3844)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.

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  (801): when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead. http://tfl.nu/0qeu
  Replies (11) Good night (4240) Bad night (1173)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.

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  (217): I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos. http://tfl.nu/dg53
  Replies (10) Good night (3299) Bad night (1376)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?

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  (209): I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry? http://tfl.nu/5luf
  Replies (15) Good night (563) Bad night (1444)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...

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  (604): he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink... http://tfl.nu/ok76
  Replies (20) Good night (904) Bad night (3667)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.

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  (972): I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards. http://tfl.nu/fq92
  Replies (8) Good night (1671) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.

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  (248): I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up. http://tfl.nu/qg1r
  Replies (5) Good night (370) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house

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  (214): Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house http://tfl.nu/mqs8
  Replies (3) Good night (527) Bad night (304)

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