PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night