I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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