The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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