I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
this hospital has no fireball
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle