I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
