You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
