woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
