the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
