I used to practice getting hit by cars.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
