My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
