i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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