and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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