so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
