Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
