I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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