Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
